Its Friday today, and tomorrow I take the train back to London. It has been such an amazing trip so far. My last post was written in a state of disappointment and sadness because I failed to feel the essence of Paris.
But yesterday, as I walked around the boulevards, and the left bank of the river, I finally saw it. It was an amazing day. I walked and walked, alone and without a plan. It was just what I had been looking for. Looking at the people sitting outside in the bistros, smoking and drinking, the artists selling their aged paintings and books, I was amazed.
As I stood on the Pont Des Artes looking at the Pont neuf and the majestic buildings, it felt right. It was incredible. To lose myself in a city so magical, so special. I saw beyond the crush I had developed and disentagled myself from, the loneliness and the melancholy that usually grips me. I realised that life had more in store for me than I had imagined.
I amaze myself everytime I embark on a rollercoaster ride of emotions, to finally realise that it was all worth it, to come to this realisation that I am capable of much more after each experience.
I still visualise that old lady sitting on the right bank, by the river, on her own, content that she is having a cigarette while taking in the beauty of the simple life of the city.
I was a bit reticent at first to embark on this journey on my own, but once I had taken that first step, it was as if the city was waiting to embrace me, and finally envelop me in a mist of passion and inspiration. Each breath I took spoke of a new sense of optimism, each step I made was then to be towards something. The buzzing cafes showed me how you can just sit and let life go by, without feeling left out. I was suddenly a part of this scene, without trying to be in it.
I walked the small roads, listening to Chameli’s soul on saxo, seeing that there was much more to be seen. Every crossroad, every brick, every traffic light had a story to tell. I was in my own world, transposed into an imagination that cannot be explained. My soul was breathing. I was relaxed. My mind was full of pictures, yet empty of pointless thoughts. I drew in all the work behind the architecture, with the marvellous life the buildings portrayed.
I will embrace London with a new warmth now. Every city has a different story to tell. I remember this feeling when I used to come to London during my uni days for a day trip. All alone, I roamed the streets, lost myself, and discovered the city. I need to do that more often in my city, a city that I underestimated. A city that I had forgotten amidst the routine my life had become. I realise that I have not discovered any new places purely by chance in the past year.. which is a shame, because I used to do it all the time.
I decided to come to Paris, on a pure whim. I don’t know what I was expecting to find. I was lost in the first few days and got wound up in being busy spending time with friends. After procrastinating for 3 days, not leaving my studio except for the daily supermarket run, I had thought that it was a mistake. But, I surprise myself sometimes. I always like to think that my life takes some spiritual path I cannot control. I thought I had lost that bit, but its still here. I am reassured.
I feel so good in my persona now, I have gone back to being the person I was in the summer of 2008 in Mauritius. Its hard to describe the feeling. Like seeing a rainbow for the first time. Its breathtaking the moment you see it, yet the feeling stays with you the rest of the day. You float around in a cloud of goodness, life couldnt be better.
So there you go. My friend from Munich was right, Paris is literally breathtaking…
Filed under: Diary
